we have pet lesbian snakes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
