If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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