Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
