I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
