talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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