I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
