Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises