Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.