a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.