i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
