How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
