I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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