My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Randomize