if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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