i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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