I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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