This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
