My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
