what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
