Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
