if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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