hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
