She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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