u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
