i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
