Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
