What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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