He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
