i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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