none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
