Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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