When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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