How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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