This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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