When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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