i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
