dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
