what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
