there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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