Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
