we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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