Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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