Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A bitchslap is in order.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
