My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
