He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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