I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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