There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
