Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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