That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
