oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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