you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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