??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
