once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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