First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
