today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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