i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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