Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
