Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
