Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
