When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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