Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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