I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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