I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
