i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
