SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
