god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
