You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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