The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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