five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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