i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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